For the past few days it has been challenging for me to write. It’s not a writers block thing or anything of that nature. The house hold has been in massive flux. The world for our boys is changing around us, work travel is returning, and the heat is on in Texas as summer is starting. I had been focusing on my meditation but the revolving door to our home has allowed the monkey in my head to run ramped. For me that is not a good thing. As a dad it make me less likable, approachable and just flat out no fun. Although these blogs and documentation may seem to only be informative entertainment for the masses, it is therapy for me. I get to vent and speak and not feel like I am boxed in. So when I have trouble with writing there is something deeply wrong in my core.
I co-parent and it is very hard to do. Writing is how I have chosen to grow myself. At this point in time I don’t get paid for any of this. All the late nights and guerilla marketing and posting are done by me. I want this to be something my kids can look at one day and say this is what my dad did. What I don’t want is to lose my joy and happiness. I have child support, bills, and emotional support to give to so many and it can be very draining. Stress elevates when my partner is also having to adjust her schedule to start her co- parenting journey. Even with a partner it is a massive undertaking.
You are not alone. I am not alone. This stress is present in households all over the world. That fight between surviving and living. We want to live and enjoy our children’s lives. I meditate to try to calm the noise in my mind that screams pay this, do that, you’re going to fail. So I try to refocus. I grab my laptop and I let every bit of emotion and passion I have in my heart flow out. It cant stay trapped in my head. I have to let others know because I know mom’s and dad’s feel this very same way. You want to scream. Sometimes screaming helps just to let that animalistic fear and pain come out when you are alone. But after all of that. Center. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Live. You got this.