Blaze the fire.

Our children are the product of our love. They are the fruit of our passion.  Passion burns and as with any fire you must keep it alive.  When I spark up the smoker my boys are always eager to watch daddy start the fire. Even when we retreat to the country with family we build fires. The start and maintaining of the fire and it”s embers is key.  If you have never built a fire here is what you must understand. Fire is alive. It breathes, grows, and withers but can be revived, built stronger, hotter when stoked. Bob Marley is one of my favorite people. His song and quotes are simple but carry so much wisdom. In the song, “Stir it up” one of the lines says ” I’ll push the wood and blaze your fire. I’ll satisfy your hearts desires.” As a man, a husband, we are the keepers of the flame. Our children need to see a healthy relationship filled with love. They need to see that love being shown in front of them no mater how gross they may say it is. Hug your spouse. Kiss her. Tell your children that you and mommy are going on a date to eat, drink, and play kissy face. Hug them as you do it .  Compliment her on how beautiful she looks.  Ask them how pretty mommy looks. Ask how handsome daddy looks.  Push the wood and blaze the fire of love so they can see it glow bright and strong.

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This type of affection and attention is taught and learned in these moments. Most of the time you find troubled children is when no affection is shown in the home. They lack the basic relationship skills that are vital later in life. Girls need to see a good example in their father so they can know what to expect from a future suitor.  If all they are exposed to is a negative image, that is what they will seek. If not that then they build perfect unachievable model they chase after. The same goes for boys. They need to see the strength and love of a mother to know what they want in a wife. Seeing the combination of this in a home shows them how to live in a balanced relationship. I have learned that we don’t fight or argue in front our kids. We actually don’t fight. Fight is seen as negative. We do however disagree and let them know that it is ok to disagree. No one is always going to see eye to eye on a situation. It is the yin and yang of life and is necessary for growth.  When you fight someone the object is to defeat and hurt them. I don’t want to do that to the person I love. If we disagree I want us to explain what we disagree with and why to see how we can come to some common ground. When you can have this you have passion.

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Passion is more than just the physical. You have to be able to stimulate the mind. Engage each other. Trust me I know it’s hard because I actually am not a huge talker. I can if I have to but it’s not the first thing I will run to. But to preserve the love and stoke the fire it must be done. This also pushes me outside of my comfort zone and my lady thinks its sexy when I speak passionately about a topic. Now this is the tricky part for us guys. Listening to her talk. I mean actively listening and responding with more than just “ok” and “yeah”.  Guilty as charged! I will not claim that I have any of this mastered. Our brains are wired different so this is a real challenge especially in a world full of distraction like cell phones and TV’s.  Remember push the wood and blaze the fire. When you are looking into her eyes and responding to even the most minor of things she notices it. Be diligent in this effort. If kids interrupt, let them know mommy and daddy are talking and this is our time. Preserve this. Call up grandparents to babysit so you can have that date night and get away for one on one time. When you can’t do that make the average week night special.

So what’s your plan? You need one?

  1. You and the kids got get flowers for no reason
  2. Don’t forget her favorite candy/wine or both
  3. Clean the house
  4. Send random sweet text
  5. Cook dinner for her
  6. Compliment her
  7. Hug her and look in her eyes and tell her you love her and so do the kids and we appreciate everything she does.

Enjoy the fire you have built.

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