When do you have the talk? Do you wait till it happens or becomes the elephant in the room? How do you start it? What are the right words to even use? I want my boys to be seen as boys and grow into respectable men. We live in a world full of judgement and harsh standards. We try hard to balance truth and morality but eventually the schools and the world touches our children. Different ideas, views, and backgrounds come into play. My situation was different because of my household and family. We never really had a talk about it because it was, I guess, natural to my parents. I never brought it up. I had heard stories and read things and learned things in school.
Then it happened. I was young and in elementary school. I know that’s real young, but that’s was when I found out I was black. I always knew I was black but this was when I found out I was different. Having a crush on a white girl in 1989/90 was my introduction into knowing I was black and different. Fast forward to 2007, I proposed for the first time. The response from my potential father in law was not what I expected. He already had to come to grips with his daughter dating a black guy. I will never forget his statement. “When you have children what are they going to be? How will you explain this to them?” Fast forward to now and all of my biracial boys are in a world that, in some cases, have progressed, but in other areas are still hostile.
The talk I am thinking of is not the sex talk, but the you are black talk. Just like the first “black president” we had, who is actually biracial, so are my boys. No matter how fair skin they may be eventually the reality of them being black will come to light. Lovingly my boys do talk about color at home. I have mentioned that I am black to which I am told, “No you are brown, and we are light brown. Mama is not brown.” Do you understand the beauty in that? They have no grasp of race. Your skin color is just that. Black, white, brown, it’s doesn’t mean anything to them. They have not been tainted by the real history of oppression that built this nation. It’s a clean slate for them. They have friends of all colors and all religions and it’s beautiful. My wife and I don’t want to end it. The world is ugly enough so who are we to remove that veil. On the other hand I know so very well of what dangers await them. As any parent you want to scream from the mountain tops all the woes you have seen. But this one is deeper. It’s embedded in the skin, in the DNA, and in the system. Tread lightly my sons for the wolves are watching. Be smarter, faster, stronger, but more importantly wiser than the world around you. Remember love has no race or creed. Love is pure and blind to our human conforms. Be the light that shows others the way. You will be judged mocked and scorned at times but do not let that damper your fire. Be proud of who you are. Above all be a human being.